Cocky 8

Lately we noticed 8-yr old HG mood swing may be enhancing. He dislikes much more things than before. He refuses and resists so much. It happens to both my wife and me, but it may be happening much more to me, and often I cannot tolerate and react intensely, which ends up exacerbating things. Here are some things that happened recently:

• Case-1: He kept asking me to help school's homework while I was multi-tasking on household items so couldn't get to help him. At some point I saw him frustrated as I kept saying "yeah yeah, I'll come to help you once I'm done". Then my wife came back from work, and he asked her to help. She tried to redirect it to me, then he refused saying "daddy doesn't understand this homework".
• Case-2: I asked him about homework, he started explaining normally, but began to lose momentum, ended up stopped talking. I kept asking to continue then he switched his tone saying he doesn't like me to ask about homework. We kept ping pong but then he eventually concluded he doesn't like to talk to me.
• Case-3: Often times he started saying something devalue his life e.g. (mumbling) "Just kill me", "I wish I wasn't born". At the age of 8.

Case-3 might have gone to a bit of next level, it might deserve a separate look.

I just can't think of other concrete examples but cases are not limited to these at all. In these cases he ultimately refuses to continue to have conversations, which is new to me in my experience with him so far, and as far as I can tell it started recently, and definitely intensified after his solo Japan trip over the summer  (I try not to correlate these things easily though).

In a simple phrase, rejection toward parents, or parent, singular. We don't know, but my wife is getting liked these days, while the time he spends with me is more than double of the time with his mama. And she will probably agree that she scolds him far more frequently and "passionately" than I do. Yet, he's liking her.

Everything becomes a competition between brothers e.g. body parts size.

Dad's struggle

With these I often can't hold my emotion and honestly, end up yelling, and say something radical as well. For the case-1 above, I said I would never help his homework and pull him out of his weekend 2nd language school he's getting to like. I've also said unfortunately exasperated him by saying unnecessary things.

But I get torn later on every time. This is our 1st child I've been pouring my love so much for 8 years, has been centered in my life (along with 2 younger kids that joined later), has been the source of conflict between my wife and I but also has been the bonding point as well. I changed my career to spend more time with with them and support my wife. Yet here I am today, I'm yelling at my son, trying to disconnect him from the things he's interested in??? I need a help, and change myself.

Refer to the wisdom

Your 8 1/4-year-old: Hateful talk (my go-to resource, babycenter.com) has helped me so much to calm down and chill whenever something HG says put me in uncontrollable emotion pitfall. Particularly the following passage:

    Eights also live in extremes, where things are black and white. If she's happy, she loves you. If she's unhappy, she slides all the way to the opposite end of the emotional scale to hate.
    :
    Suffice it to say, she doesn't mean it literally. It's acting. It's an expression of unhappiness.

It also refers to Middle Childhood (6-8 years of age) (cdc.gov). Something I want to keep in mind among many others:

    Positive Parenting Tips

        Use discipline to guide and protect your child, rather than punishment to make him feel bad about himself. Follow up any discussion about what not to do with a discussion of what to do instead.

Shrug it off

In the end, it's on me, he's only 8. I'll try to do my best.

Lately a friend mom posted what her 3rd child drew: The child doesn't remember that he did it according to her, and she seems to just laugh it off and move on.

Photo courtesy from friend's Facebook post

That sounds like a right thing to do. I just don't know if I can be capable like that, but I feel like I have no choice.

 

8-yr old (or often 5-yr old) being childish after getting scolded...A common Sunday morning scene.

Fortunately, his interest is deepening in many directions as it has always been, but one of his passions right now is reptile. Mama allowed him to buy and own a snake as a pet, if we can do the research, do the presentation for what snake to get, what equipment and all other items are needed, and can convince us.